Week thirteen -- Vaughn

So, everything was going just fine, we were traveling along, and very suddenly I had an arrow stuck in the middle of my forehead. The message was very clear that we were going the wrong way, and should go back the way we came. Well, I was convinced, so we turned back.

As soon as we returned to the spaceship, I got one of those weird thoughts again. I was convinced that I should have all the keys so I could use the scorpion tail weapon and kill all my party members. I suddenly knew exactly how to use the weapon (stick your hand in and plug into your brain), and that it was important not to miss.

I was surprised how little effort it took to get the keys from the others. You'd think they'd be more concerned. But I was truthful, and when they asked me what I wanted them for, I answered, “So I can kill you all.” Shockingly, they still weren't deterred, and gave me the keys. I was like, “Awesome,” and went over to pick up the weapon. I stuck my hand in like I knew I should, but the brain-plugging-in part didn't really appeal to me, so I decided to ignore it.

The first target was easy: the troubadour who was eating all of our trail rations and not singing any songs. She attempted to disguise herself from a crying little girl to an innocent dwarf, but, clever guy that I am, I saw right through it. I aimed but missed again, conveniently letting a giant spider escape unharmed. I thought, “Man, what's it going to take to hit her?” Since she was all defensive and stuff. Then I remember the brain-attach-y bit. I thought, “What's the worst that could happen?” So I plugged it in. And oh, man, was it great. Little crying girl didn't stand a chance. She was pulverized on the next round.

I was feeling pretty good about myself, but then I remembered that I still had (what I thought) was one more round. This made for a difficult decision, since the giant spider had already fled. I didn't want to kill horse guy, because he was always nice to me, and the t'skrang was kind of hot, so I didn't want to kill her, either. That left only Sparky. I always kind of hated his name, so it was settled. He was dust by the next round.

Overall, it was nice to hit stuff, but I saw afterward that it had made everyone sad. And that made me sad, too. So it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.

Horse guy told me that I couldn't stay with the group anymore, and decided to go to Charles D. Ward for help. I was a little heartbroken, but couldn't say that I blamed him, and thus felt compelled to agree. Unfortunately, when we arrived at Charles' house, Charles decided it would be best to burn me alive. To tell you the truth, I had a somewhat different idea of rehabilitation, but I didn't get a vote. For the record, I never liked him.